Friday, May 7, 2010

All is well

There should be nothing more uplifting and inspiring for parent of autistic child than to meet a parent of a teenager and the teenager himself who was autistic and recovered. Well that is what happened to me yesterday. But it was not a positive experience. To the contrary, I was moved to the core of my being but in in the wrong way.

Sebastian last few days has awful pre-Gaps-like stools, and behaviours and intense stimiing follows through. The reason might be partly his stomach flu he went through lately I am not quite sure. When Sebastian stims very intensely he is not easy to watch for me. And we have met the mother and the boy in one of those moments. Sebastian was lying on the floor and mouthing and twirling plastic toy intensely, and relieving his tension by making noises difficult to describe and somewhat similar to those made by a puppy when you try to take away his toy. (It sound like real strong "mmmmm")

The other mother, a very well intentioned woman franticly attempted to help me be explaining existence of SCD diet and behavioural therapy. Well she assumed that I know and do little for Sebastian, otherwise he would be recovering like her son was. Her son by the way, was a very charming and intelligent ant tactful young men, with delicate sense of humour, any parent would be proud of him.

I instead of thanking politely, went on defensive and started explaining that Sebastian is on a diet more restrictive than SCD, and that he went through years of the therapy.
But what I felt inside was a rage. The truth is I know I have done all I could, but I feel I haven't done enough. What is the reason I got so upset.

We went home, and I was still fuming inside. Hours later I was sitting in my rocking chair with TV on but not really watching when Sebastian came over to climb up on my lap and gave me big hug complimented with brightest possible smile. It was his way of saying: "All is well mama, al is well"

1 comment:

  1. Oh Maryna, I dont think there is any recovery from autism. There is only degrees and ways that autism effects different people and that is hard to tell when they are 6 and gets easier and easier to tell as they grow older. Also I think therapy and remediation go a long way in helping with this development to the point that you appear "intelligent, tactful" and "with a delicate sense of humor".

    I don't know these people you met, but I understand the rage you feel. And i know its near impossible (becuase all the time I try but always fail) but keep trying not to compare Sebastian to other autistic individuals. Only to what Sebastian was last year and the year before that...I knwo thats so easy to say, I am always also trying not to and mostly fail to stop comparisons.

    I tool feel like there is never going to be enough I can do. I read articles in magazines, online, meet other families, it seems sometimes that everyone has something going for them except us. Some people have NT brothers and sisters, some kids have houses, some have lot of money, some have lot of family support etc. These things often makes obscure my ability to look at how far my son has come.