Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tough day

Yesterday we had bad news about Delanie. I got upset about it, and it took me some time to calm myself down.

Today huge unexpected bill hit me and I did not see it coming. What is up with that? Small bottle of Polish herb vodka left behind by Basia, my friend who visited in the summer came handy today.

We had such a great rest during holiday break, first time in years., and now stress is mounting again. I need to come up with strategies more reliable than hearty drink. Breathing exercises, meditation, jogging, rope jumping.... But whom am I kidding? Instead I stuff myself silly with anything I can find around the house, play solitaire, and watch irritating fake crime show on TV. Because I can not concentrate enough to do anything else. My mind is racing like panicked and mad monkey. And I just sit there and procrastinate everything that there is to procrastinate. Result? Messy house and more stress.

In short future I have coming important and stressful meetings, health scare to be identified as such, and rest of it all to figure out. And there is a lot to figure out.
I would like to live through the time when everything is falling in place, but today I do my best just to not fall apart.

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