Tuesday, September 8, 2009

At Queen's Park - day 40

Hazy weather, Macedonian memorial, chatter of school kids eagerly carrying clipboards with their first day of school assignments, ready to make a new start in new school year. Lots of bus tours. Yet today for no particular reason I am uneasy. Traffic was very heavy this morning on QEW. The last long weekend of the summer was very productive for me, and I have made some progress in my "to do" list, but I feel anxious, I do not quite know why.

Today if Sebastian was a healthy boy, we would celebrate one of the biggest days in his life: his first day at school. He would have a new backpack and lunch box, and we would walk just a few blocks to St. Lawrence school in the morning, and he would be bit nervous, and he would meet his new teacher, and classmates. He would make his first friends, and he would learn what was expected of him in big school, and it would be all a new adventure full of new smells, sights and situations, problems to solve, knees to scrape, pencils to sharpen, exercise books to fill out.

Instead I am sitting here in front of Queens' Park trying to calm my monkey brain that makes a number on me today, writing this and trying make sense out of it all. It is hard.


  1. Maryna, I've been reading your blog for a few weeks and just wanted to encourage you. Blessings to you and to Sebastian. I remember that the day that my autistic son *should* have started kindergarten was hard for me, too.

    Good work on the GAPS diet!

  2. Thank you Rene,
    I do need encouragement in the moments like this. The tragic reality of the disease that takes the normal development of our kids away is devastating enough, but why is there so much resistance to do the right thing from people who are in power to change the reality, who were elected or appointed to govern, do the right thing is difficult to understand for me.

  3. Take a look at how a child with autism begins the school year in the U.S.

  4. Maryna.. reading your introduction .. I can completely Identify.. some days I march .. mostly I stummble underneath it all . Schools were pressuring me last year for jk this year for sk .. but my son has recieved so little help that i just can't see simply throwing him into school and hoping for the best no matter how prepared they tell me they are to handle the " situation".. services that fail to communicate with one another.. paper work that disappears mid air it seems and never ending wait lists.. our I.B.I start date was set for june 14th 08 I got a letter shortly after .. i'm still on hold :/ I admire your courage.. I'm there with you in spirit.
    Families trying to live with autism in ontario it's the worst case of system failure i've ever seen