Thursday, May 28, 2009

Busy, busy, busy.

I am very busy. I have much more things to do than I a able to complete or concentrate on. At the same time my mind and body refuses to speed up. I am not afraid anymore. I can not mobilize myself by anger. But I do not feel very inspired either. Where am I going I do not know. I wish I could stop treading water and step from survival mode to quiet but inspired exuberance.


  1. its hard to find inspired exuberance sometimes when uncertainty and possible despair is staring you in the face 24 hours a day in the form of a severely autistic child. Normal people make a herbal tea and relax. I resent normal people sometimes.

  2. Thank you for your kind comments. It has been years for me now, and I think I am tired. The stress and burning sense of urgency does not go away and is exhausting. The other very annoying thing is I can not stop comparing my boy an other children. And I still take personally his pain as my failure. Allergy attack for example makes me feel like I failed to protect him, predict the pollen will be in the air, give him his antihistamine on time.etc I know it is madness and have to change my thinking but my thoughts are running crazy circles.