Thursday, May 28, 2009

Busy, busy, busy.

I am very busy. I have much more things to do than I a able to complete or concentrate on. At the same time my mind and body refuses to speed up. I am not afraid anymore. I can not mobilize myself by anger. But I do not feel very inspired either. Where am I going I do not know. I wish I could stop treading water and step from survival mode to quiet but inspired exuberance.

2 comments:

  1. its hard to find inspired exuberance sometimes when uncertainty and possible despair is staring you in the face 24 hours a day in the form of a severely autistic child. Normal people make a herbal tea and relax. I resent normal people sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for your kind comments. It has been years for me now, and I think I am tired. The stress and burning sense of urgency does not go away and is exhausting. The other very annoying thing is I can not stop comparing my boy an other children. And I still take personally his pain as my failure. Allergy attack for example makes me feel like I failed to protect him, predict the pollen will be in the air, give him his antihistamine on time.etc I know it is madness and have to change my thinking but my thoughts are running crazy circles.

    ReplyDelete