Saturday, March 28, 2009

Yard work

I cannot do anything without guilt. Not even yard work and pruning roses. Not washing dishes, not cooking wieners five times a week. I cannot watch young children walk on the sidewalk in front of my house without comparing them with my boy. will I ever get over it?

There are always four other things I should be doing. And so often I just do nothing. But my mind is racing. I do not know what to do first. I just look busy (to myself).

So I pruned the roses. And I talked to my neighbors a little. When I came back home, Sebastian had treated himself to jug of goat's milk. He had managed to bring it from the fridge to our bed -- the whole 1.7 liters of milk! I had to wash all the sheets and quilt and down comforter and covers, and the floor. How much of it he drank I do not know. He likes his milk!

And why is my mood darker today in spite of the fabulous crocuses in my yard I just noticed today? Sebastian will be six in seven days. And me, when I read articles like this one if I were on Prozac, I would probably need to double my dose.

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