Sunday, March 15, 2009

Too lazy or too tired?

My mother who less than 10 years ago went through very aggressive chemotherapy for cancer that has spread though her body and bones and lymph nodes and was too advanced to be operated. The chemotherapy worked very well and killed her cancer, but left her body ravished and depleted. My mother has been physically active all her life, and she was always pushing herself beyond her limits. And she still does that. But now her body sometimes simply refuses to cooperate, and she has to stop in the middle of whatever she is doing and have a nap that sometimes lasts for hours. When we were visiting her last summer, she would sometimes say: "I do not know if I am too lazy or too weak and tired to do this?"
On the picture my mom and her goats.

My problem is my fuzzy brain, short term memory, planning ahead, prioritizing and concentrating in general. I can do some things, but I will ignore and forget about others, everything takes way too long, and I become overwhelmed very easily. Without focus little gets accomplished. I am used to just coping. I think I feel that way because of years of stress, and maybe some pre-menopausal hormonal changes, and maybe I am still recovering from the mysterious virus that attacked me last summer, and also maybe I have food sensitivities that can effect the way my brain feels. Or may be I am just a lazy messy winy slob looking for excuses. I do not know. But I am not willing to accept this as "normal".

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